Honesty is all I need
by Radiklement
Summary: Roy and Riza knew each other for a long long time. Even before the army. You could say that there life were meant to intertwine. Here, you may find yet another version of their trials and joys as life got them closer and closer... Following the manga as closely as possible and bringing you fluff where I think there was a lack of it. Hoping you'll enjoy! *Massive spoilers ahead!*
1. Chapter 1

Honesty

Roy and Riza knew each other for a long long time. Even before the army. You could say that there life were meant to intertwine. Here, you may find yet another version of their trials and joys as life got them closer and closer...

…

Hi there people, this story was already entirely written in French, my mother's tongue, but someone suggested that I translate it in English and here I decided to give it a try. This is basically a royai taking place in the major royai moments of Fullmetal Alchemist. In my point of view. And with little adds-on where I thought things were missing. This was written some time ago, like a few years and my writing has changed since, but the general idea is the same.

Rating's T since I hate getting too graphic. Royai is the only pairing, they're among my favorites. There's little interventions from other characters if none.

I tried to follow the manga thoroughly, but sometimes, the dialogues might sound different. After all, I couldn't just copy paste it. ;) I hope you enjoy my story!

Honesty

Chapter 1- Remembrance 

_If you search for tenderness  
It isn't hard to find._

_You can have the love you need to live._

The door cracks open, whining on her hinges. This is one old house, wrinkled by the time. The sky feels heavy and so the unease that he feels himself. He can hear bugs in the fields outside. He breathes in, deeply, before to walk into the old house. There's only one reason to still be coming here. She's a little younger than him. Just a little, barely a year. But when they meet, they both feel the same unease. Soon, she's undressing in front of him, turning her back on him. Her moved are clumsy and he'd like to help her, to do anything, but he can't even reach one hand in her direction. In his mind, in his heart, she's still the unreachable and untouchable daughter of his master.

Soon, he can see her naked back, branded by a scientist masterpiece. He's just as terrified as he's mesmerized by the drawing tattooed on her white skin, which seems incredibly soft under his burning stare. He reaches one hand, with hesitating fingers, not knowing if it's her own secrets or the code on her back that intrigues him the most. Soon, he'd just have to snap his fingers to create flames. But he still can't. Without her, he doesn't think that he could have ever done anything. And still, she's shaking as he finally dares to touch her. He feels as if he's profaning her. As if he isn't worth her.

But he wants her, of that, Roy is sure. He couldn't care less for the secret in the tatoo, he didn't give a damn that she was his master's daughter and that he used to see her as a sister. He wants her like he'd never wanted another woman, his desire only doused by the impression he has, that if he doesn't find out the secret fast, she'll cry.

"Riza..."

Just by saying that name, colonel Mustang awakened with a start in the middle of his dream, while he was next to another woman, someone who wasn't his loyal lieutenant. He'd forgotten where he was and only recalled last night's events now. His felt a sting to his heart before that his partner raised herself in their bed.

"Who's Riza?" She asked.

"..."

He couldn't answer. It would take days for him to describe all Riza represented for him.

"Okay, don't take it like that. Just keep in my mind that my name's Sonia."

The soldier felt disgusted at himself. He got up, got dressed quickly and left like a thief. He couldn't go on like that. Firstly because of his duties as a state alchemist and a soldier that were taking all of his time. And secondly, the ladies' company was starting to bore him out of his mind. He wanted to find a woman that would make him frantic, but that he would always feel comfortable with, no matter what the situation was.

Sonia wasn't that woman. He'd never known such a woman. Expect one. Today, she was his right hand man and, if he dared to believe so, one of his greatest friends. He knew her since they were kids. They fought the Isvalan's war together. But, after all that, a wall still stood between them. Riza Hawkeye had turned strict since she had joined the army. The once upon "impressed young girl" made vulnerable by the loss of her father had changed. She had already gave him much. But today, they acted with more restrain, merely exchanging gazes and stares filled with secret codes and complicity.

Up till now, he had all the comfort that he could need, but now, Roy needed a whole lot more. He had the feeling that each day was taking him further from his first lieutenant and that it also widened the distance brought between them by their separation, 8 years earlier, before the war. He had already felt the unbearable fear of losing her. If it had to happen again...

He sighed as he let himself fall on his bed, back in his quartiers in HQ.

"Why do I feel so nostalgic right now?" he asked himself out loud.

He threw a glance towards Maes' picture on the wall. The passed away family's father wad winking at him from his frame.

"Don't tell me you think that's because I'm getting old?" He asked his old friend.

But in the bottom of his heart, Roy knew it wasn't it. It was just that so many things were happening at the same time. The army was evolving at a frightening pace and the dreadful discoveries he'd made over his country's army weren't making him really enthusiastic. He was seriously worried. What he'd done to go back to these intimate moments where Riza would dare to let him see her for what she was, giving him his chance to become the flame alchemist. He closed his eyes.

He could still see himself there...

It was a cold funeral day and despite all his efforts, the young Roy shivered inside his coat. The wind played in Riza's short hair, who seemed so short and small next to him, so frail in her dress with that delicately laced cleavage.

_You're so pretty, lieutenant,_ he thought, forcing himself to remember it all as perfectly as possible.

"If you ever need my help, for anything at all, you'll find me at this address,"

"An army's casern?" She whispered, surprised.

"Yeah, I might be staying there for my whole life. But it's the only way I found to help in giving a better life to the people of our country."

She didn't answer immediately, holding the piece of paper he'd given her in her fingers. She'd glanced briefly at him when he had asked what she was planning to do. And she had shook her head in dismay. Riza had just lost her father and her last living relative and she felt terribly marked by this brutal separation. In this drama, there had only been two persons looking out for her. Roy, who had been there to help her fill all the needed papers and arrangement for her father's funeral.

And then, there was Derek, her boyfriend who believed he had found a new revolutionary energy source. It was a great scientist who got through everything that he started. He had been Mr. Hawkeye's assistant and the first boy to which Riza's father gave the right to approach his daughter. That guy, Mustang still didn't know him back in that time. And anyway, he didn't see how one could call her boyfriend the guy that didn't even take the time to come see you when your father died...

Well, all that to come back to this casern's affair. In front of her silence, Roy, who didn't want to leave her right away, observed with a sigh that his whole life would be spent in the name of the army.

"Promise me that you won't die," she asked, looking at him with eyes that were filled with worries.

When he thought back on it, Roy wondered if that hadn't been the first sign that he'd noticed. He'd been embarrassed by her request.

"Don't talk about misfortune..."

Slowly but surely, they kept talking, Riza staring at her father's tomb and Roy staring at her nape, until they got to the secrets that her father had left behind.

She had bent her head a little more and Roy could see the start of a circle as he followed her neckline. That dress was lot lighter than it looked. As he finally understood that his father had tattooed all his alchemy secrets in codes on his daughter's back, he felt a mix of consternation, curiosity and pain. What kind of man tattooed his child with his secrets?

"If it can help in giving peace and happiness to more people, I would like to take a part in your dream, be it only to shoulder it myself. You think... Do you believe that I could do that?"

"You owe me nothing, you know it right?"

He didn't want to give her the impression he was using her. He feared that she could think less of him if he accepted her offer and at the same time, he saw at least two reasons that prevented him from saying no. He felt bound to her, like a moth to a flame. And he was dying to learn the secret to his master's alchemy.

"No, but my father trusted you. And I have faith in you myself. You may be an idealist and a dreamer, but so am I, I believe that we must feed our dreams with ideals. If I can help to turn such a dream to reality, this tattoo won't be just there for decoration anymore.

Since he didn't reply or reject anything she said, just staring in the distance, she deduced that he had accepted.

"Come to my home tomorrow, in the afternoon. You'll try to pierce the secrets to this alchemy that I can't understand."

"This science never caught your interest?"

"No. To be honest with you, it scares me. But it's supposes to serve good, so, I shouldn't fear it, huh?"

She wanted to leave, but Roy realized that something was missing. He caught her by the wrist as she was turning away.

"You don't have to do this. Especially if you don't want to," he warned her.

"But on the contrary. I'm doing this for my father. That's what ve wanted. Come to my home tomorrow. If you're willing to go through with it."

He let go of her, since she seemed even more embarassed since he had touched her arm. She was doing all she could to hold back her tears, as she had during the last few days, in between all the preparations for the funerals. And Roy felt so powerless to see her in this state, lost and resigned. He had promised himself to look after her, as his master had asked. Damn, the old man never even have to ask!

"I'll come if you want it so."

"Thank you," she said through her lips which were squeezed together in her effort not to cry.

"I should be the one thanking you."

She gently shook her head and seemed ready to fall in his arms. He wanted to hold her next to him and to let her cry to her heart content. He wished he knew a way to erase her pain. But she managed to turn away from him, to get back to her house, with all her mysteries intact. And even though he wanted to, Roy didn't run after her. He was too hurt himself, too drained by his own sadness to be a real comfort to the young girl. He deceived himself.

I should have done more, he thought as his memories were running at full speed in his mind, one stretching over all the others, getting them all mixed together.

The walk to her house, on the next day, which was almost painful. The shy greetings, fleeting gazes, the impression he had he was fooling himself as she sent him to wait for her in that room. The fascination for what he was suddenly discovering. And Riza's breathing that he could heard in his ears as he let his hands wonder on her back, to follow the lines and symbols and retrace them in the air, so that he would understand.

He hoped that he didn't look disrespectful. That was the last thing he wanted to do. During those moment, she seemed to consider herself as an object and he had to work really hard not to do the same. The curiosity, the need that this soft skin awakened in him and all the knowledge engraved on the skin, all the knowledge... But the anger he felt toward his master for sullying his own daughter like that and have her bend under the way too heavy burden of such a secret.

Sometimes, while she undressed herself in front of him, slowly, hiding all she could with a shirt or a blanket, giving him her bare back and shoulders, he'd want her to stop and to grab her by the waist and to hold her in his arms as long as it'd take to get her to relax next to him. She seemed so small, frail, beautiful and sweet. At the same time, she was cold and rigid, like a marble statue, her nerves as hard as steel. When she would shiver under his touch, he'd pretended that she felt cold. But secretly, he hoped that she took some pleasure in these weird encounters they were having.

Roy took his face in his hand, trying to push back the pictures awakening in his mind. He'd never had the occasion to see Riza like that afterwards. Touching her. And she was really careful herself. Maybe they'd never get another chance to be this close. And still, Roy never felt himself this far from a human being before... As he profaned her virgin's skin with his caresses.

The next day, he found his men at work, as usual. Hawkeye was filling up forms. The temperature looked nice outside. But Roy could already smell trouble. He suspected that something was up. Ever since Hugues' death, he'd been extra careful. There wasn't only Scar, who kept on evading the army, but there was more and more tension in the very heart of Central's government.

And that day was one of the first that Falman would spent not working, since he was living with 66 for an undetermined time. The time that the thing leaving in that suit of armor could prove useful.

Havoc was off on his own little cloud. He got himself a new girlfriend, a real bomb as he said so himself. Breda seemed jealous, so Mustang believed that for once, his second lieutenant had hit the jackpot before him. He wasn't really interested in that either. Sonia's memory was a blur. He had no idea why he'd even followed her to her place. To quiet the loneliness he was about to feel one more night in his quarters, between a pile of files and of alchemy research. Sometimes he was getting the impression that everything he was doing was in vain.

"Colonel," Riza said " you still have files needing corrections, get on with it," she reminded him.

He looked up, caught in the act of reminiscing, but knowing that Hawkeye's scolding was just as the scolding of a mother looking after her good for nothing son with a smile. A well hidden smile when the threat was serious, but a certain endearment, nonetheless.

Grunting a little, more to keep his face, Roy got to work. Fuery explained them the fright he'd had when a secretary from office's 104 had accosted him, asking for peculiar services. While Havoc and Breda shunned him for not jumping on the occasion, Mustang let his gaze wonder and it fell on Riza, despite his better judgement, turning into an insistent stare. She raised her head from her work and frowned as she noticed that he was observing her. She seemed half surprised and half ready to reprimand him.

In fact, the young woman was just as troubled as her superior. He could only bet she was, since she was composing herself a professionalism's mask to prevent herself from eating him up with her eyes. Without trying to guess what was hiding beneath this uniform that really did suit him. She already had a good idea of it. But she was thinking to the beating heart in his chest mostly and to this idea that always cross one woman's mind when she's closed to the man she loves.

She'd remembered the exchanges they had a few years ago, after her father's death. Just as he did. She had gone out for a walk with Black Hayate and had noticed Roy disappearing in the house of a much prettier young woman than her. Prettier, classier. A long tine ago, she'd believed in them. She'd believe that there could be more than a friendship there. But she didn't believe anymore. There had been Derek at that time, such a long time ago...

"Get in, quick! It's cold outside."

The young soldier had hurried himself, fearing that she might not like the fact he was letting cold inside; but she was more worried about him catching a cold. She had taken his coat, being careful not to move too close to him. The uneasy silence between them was incredible, in a good way. From an outsider's view, this clumsy moment that was forcing them to get closer while they didn't know what they meant to each other could have looked cute. But for the young woman, it was a torture.

A moment later, with the impression of being a slut, Riza was undressing in front him, feeling his hesitating fingers on her skin, noticing his nervous breathing on her back and her nape as he did his best in recognizing the signs and decoding the symbols. She felt to the very depth of her soul his childish enthusiasm and excitation at the idea that he was getting closer to the answer. But at the same time, every encounter felt a little more uneasy, since they were always getting to know each other more and since his hands on her skin were turning in a habit, a soft caress that even her boyfriend Derek hadn't given her yet.

Four visits had been enough for him to uncover the secret behind fire's alchemy. But even before that he'd learned to snap fire to life with his fingers, Roy had awakened in her a brutal and unwavering desire, the need of his presence, of his proximity, of his man's voice in her back and around her. Contrarily to the unease she had felt when her father, master Hawkeye had marked her back with her tattoo, the shivers she felt with Mustang were dizzying, intoxicating. Her heart was still beating too fast when he'd leave her house and she'd watched him walking away, as she was hidden behind the windows' curtains, afraid that he'd look back and would spot her looking right back.

In her young woman's naivety, she wondered what he was thinking of those meeting, if he wasn't slowly gaining confidence and wasn't starting to imagine things.

"You don't have to do this."

How many time had he repeated that? What should she tell him so that he'd know that she didn't feel forced to do it in the end? Could she say that she liked him, that she took pride and a fierce joy to see him becoming a state alchemist in the army? He was like a big brother that she'd pushed forward in his dream.

_I've never felt forced in doing anything. Not even when you've started giving me orders_, she thought to herself.

Their common life in the army had given them an occasion to rediscover bits of their past. Maybe not enough. The other fay, for the first time since years, he'd seen her dressed in civilian's clothes. She'd seen the panic in his eyes to see him she'd changed since their last informal meeting. She had liked to feel his stare on her, even if it had been only for a moment.

"Lieutenant?"

"Hmm?"

"There's Denver on the phone, he'd talking about a report and..."

"You don't know what he's talking about?"

Roy preferred not to admit it to keep some of his self-esteem. It wasn't really his fault, since Breda soon realized that he'd forgot to give the report to his superior, for he had been too preoccupied by his meeting with a band of dogs ready to eat him alive! It had only been some nice doggies looking for a nice playmate that were being walked around by a young boy... But Breda had ran for his dear life, terrified just at their sight. And his panic had taken over his logical mind, making him forget about everything, even his job.

"Yes, Denver? The report will be there in half an hour. It's a promise from the colonel!"

She hang up, happy to take her revenge over him, for taking good time the other day and was springing the next, looking lost, while she was worried the whole night, trying to understand where she stood in his eyes. Riza already knew, but his player attitude was making her questioning herself.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

Hawkeye didn't answer, finding the document he needed to fill out instead. She gave it to him, with a sly smile and since it was lunch time, she leaved, instead of staying by his side to watch over him, making sure that he'd do his work, as she used to. If he hadn't stared at her as he did earlier, she wouldn't have felt so flustered from the memories they shared. She was suffering a little more when she felt as if their past had been erased by their soldiers' obligations. 

The door closed behind her, softly and Havoc whistled. Fuery wondered out loud if the first lieutenant was angry or not.

Roy had a little idea of what was going on. Riza sometimes had the habit to run away from him when things were off. He still remembered. To have spent month without news to learn that her situation wasn't good. She hated to need anyone's help. And there was nothing that a man liked as much as being dependable and strong. 

But maybe that…

"Colonel? "

"Hum? "

"What's up with Hawkeye? " Breda asked.

Seeing that his subordinates were staring at him with eyes filled with questions, Roy got the impression to be a culprit standing before a court.

"Why should it be my fault if something's up with her? Huh?"

A little later, he realized that it was exactly the question he should have asked himself. Since Riza asked herself that question on every day… 

…

_But if you look for truthfulness  
You might just as well be blind.  
It always seems to be so hard to give._

… To be continued in chapter 2.

I'll have you know that the italic writing at the beginning and at the end of this chapter are lyrics from a song, made by Billy Joel. This fic happens to be named after that song. You'll hear more from it in the upcoming chapters. Now, tell me if you've liked it!


	2. Chapter 2

I hoped you liked the last chapter. Thanks for the reviews. Here I'm setting the pace for one of the best manga related Royai moment. Be ready to face tension. The story should get even more interesting in the upcoming chapter, since I'll started deviating from the manga and managed to get things that will surprise you to happen! 8) Have a nice time reading!

Honesty

Chapter 2 – Suicide mission

_Honesty is such a lonely word.  
Everyone is so untrue._

Once Roy had made everyone else believe, with the help of his men and 66 that he'd killed Ross to avenge his friend Maes, he went through a short depressive phase. In a sense, he'd saved that woman life by helping her escaping the country without being chased after by anyone. But he'd prevented her from ever coming back to her hometown. At least, not in the near future. He was taking the hit, impassively, and sometimes, even if she knew that he'd done it all for Maria, Hawkeye glared at him, as if she was resenting him and the colonel Mustang felt guilty.

…

He'd knocked twice on the door, since he was scared of imposing himself. He wasn't supposed to come that day. But it had been three months since he last got news from the young woman since he'd become a state alchemist. His master's daughter had told him that she was doing good last time they talked. Since he'd been on the phone, with a dozen of guys waiting after him to call either their girlfriends, their mothers, cousins or to order a pizza, his comrades were hurrying him to finish, so he hadn't had the time to ask as many questions as he'd liked.

So there he was, in front of his old alchemy's master's house, showing unannounced. Roy had been welcomed in the small town by the ladies that all recognized him as the young man who'd rescued the poor little Riza after her father's death. He was still a little shy when he saw how his charm could work on any woman, no matter how old or young, even if he was slowly gaining assurance. He felt like a small boy in front of those sixty years old woman looking at him with eyes that could swallow him whole.

_I don't even know why I came that time_, he thought as he shook his head.

It had been there last time seeing each other before Ishval's war. That last time Derek had been in the picture. And it was the first time Roy met with him. It had been a crazy day from the very beginning.

…

He was talking to her just asthe memories were coming back to him. She was on a mission's location, a mission they were working on out of work. Mustang knew he'd hit the jackpot. Jean was Jacqueline, and Riza, Elizabeth. She was pretending to be a waitress in a restaurant, joking around, talking freely, as she did once.

And Roy loved it. They hadn't talked like that for so long. It was like to meet up with an old friend. His old friend. But at the same time, it was even more. They knew that it was dangerous, but to have the right to talk like this, beneath coded words, looking for inner meaning between each sentence that they heard…

"I've got so much work lately," he explained, barely noticing the soldiers that were walking through the corridor in front of his office and complaining that Mustang was using his work time to flirt on the phone, unpunished.

At the bottom of his spirit, going on and on was the scene in front of the old house, with the cold spring breeze. He could still hear the silence that had preceded running noises, shouts, shocks, a violent dispute taking place right on the other side of that door on which he'd just knocked. It had been so sudden that he thought that he was mistaking it for a sign at first.

Then the doorknob turned, barely, before that another violent noise hinted that something or someone got hit.

"Let go of me," Riza's voice begged.

"That's out of the question!" barked a man's voice.

Roy, touched by the helplessness in his friend's voice, hadn't hesitated any longer. He hadn't all the pieces of the puzzle. Except for a letter that she'd send him. He had forgotten about it at first, but it was the very reason why he'd come. That letter pretended that everything was well, in appearance, but he'd guessed that something was wrong. And of all the days to come, it was on the day where the threat turned real that he'd show up.

So then, without knowing exactly what was waiting for him, the future colonel opened the door to see Riza fighting between the hands of a giant. There were bruises on her arms, large, brown and bluish already. Whoever that man was, he was going too far. Even if nobody had asked anything from him, Roy knew that he couldn't let this go any further. He didn't notice that the man was far taller and bigger than him. He didn't notice that he was quite bulkier than him. His anger was too great. Who had a right to hurt his master's daughter, the girl he'd promised to protect?!

_I'm glad I was on time_, he thought, seeing himself running right into Derek.

Riza had shouted. The panic he'd felt at that point. And the panic that she'd been feeling. It wasn't normal to barge into someone's house to realize that she was assaulted by a stranger. Of course, it was no stranger, but for Mustang, it was all the same.

From the corner of his eye, the flame alchemist saw the young girl walking backward to the closest wall and leaning over it, wrapping her arms around herself. He noticed many things about her, that all made him even more furious than he already was. A torn sleeve on her dress, bruises on her arm, a naked shoulder, tears on her face. Then, Roy realized that he'd been utterly stupid. He received a punch right in the face and was almost knocked out. His whole body backed away.

He thought about using his alchemy, since it would gave him an advantage, but did he have his gloves with him? He hadn't the time to search his pockets. He felt himself being lifted by a deadly grip on his neck. What a moron he was! That Derek was one tough customer!

"Who's that guy? Another of your father's friend? I've had enough of this, Riza! Haven't I been clear about your frequentations?"

"Derek, put him down right now! You have no right to…"

"Just try and stop me!"

Roy smelled alcohol in the air. He also smelled his coming end if he didn't do something to free himself from that guy. He was about to suffocate. As he vainly fought against the hands gripped on his neck, he managed to slide his right glove on. A single snap of the finger and fire was burning the man's clothes.

He instantly let go of our favorite soldier who used that time to take a few steps back. Unfortunately for Mustang, Derek didn't take that much time to put out the fire and charging at him. The fist he took to his stomach cut his breath and got him crumbling down.

"You're going to show me the secret your father has hidden on you and fast! I know you've already given it to someone else and I got all the reasons to think of it as a treason!"

Frustrated not to be able to resist any better against this colossal man, Roy snapped his fingers another time, with more strength, lighting a fire on a Derek. It's only then that he noticed the dark eyes and blond hair on the man. And in his crazed stare, a lust for a power, and all his animal strength ready to get it for him.

And that memory reminded the colonel how he had to be careful about not turning like this. Not turning into a corrupted monster because of power, ready to do anything to obtain more of it.

What Derek had really wanted, was to find a unlimited mean to have his new energy source working. He called it nuclear energy. Even in Roy's eyes, the concept was highly interesting. But, if that meant to hurt a woman, especially if that woman was Riza, than, damn nuclear energy!

After heavy burns that would leave him marked for life, the intoxicated and enraged man seemed to regain his spirit and fled, leaving the house and his two occupants. Riza had joined Roy, to check on him, if he'd got anything broken. And then, when it seemed that he'd be fine, she had collapsed in his arms. She was upset beyond words. Never had her Derek acted like that. It was as if he'd turned into a whole different person. She'd never be able to trust him again. And as she was crying on the shoulder of her future colonel, she seemed wondering if she had any reason to trust him either.

His heart in pieces, Mustang had tried his best in comforting her. He had all the trouble in the world to calm her down, since he was almost as upset as her just by seeing her sorry state. A part of her tattoo was showing and her dress was slowly sliding on her body, without her noticing. Her arms covered with bruises, her messy hair…

_How lucky that I'd go on that day instead of any other_, he thought as he heard gunshots in the background of his phone.

He'd wished he could have a chance to talk to his lieutenant in another situation. Maybe in a restaurant, or a theater. At the very least, in a car, as they'd drove toward the train station to get to Rush Valley and accomplish some suicide mission! There were so many options and so little time to try everything!

"You're sure that I'm not disturbing you?" he asked, feeling his anxiousness growing up.

There was a lot of gunshots, now, wasn't there?

"I had to help Jacqueline in getting rid of a client that was a little too straightforward."

Roy let a smile grow on his face. If things kept up like this, than everything would go right and…

She interrupted him in the middle of his sentence.

"Oh, I've got to let you for a while, Roy. A big client is coming."

He waited for a while, after that she'd shot, but already, the panic was getting the better of him. She should have told him that it was over with that_ client_ already, shouldn't she?

"Elizabeth?" he asked.

He had a terrible impression of déjà vu. His blood took a single turn in his veins and his heart missed a few beats. She couldn't… Hugues. The last time he'd talked to Hugues on the phone, the same thing had happened. He'd been cut short since someone was coming. And Maes hadn't talk to him ever since. Maes was dead. What if Riza died? While he hadn't told her anything about how he felt about her? While he still needed her all the time?

She wasn't answering and her silence petrified him with a horrified look on his face. This couldn't be happening. She couldn't do this to him. Why had he let them go alone on this mission, why had he accepted not to be on the field with them?

"Elizabeth!" He repeated.

_Answer me, Riza!_ He wanted to yell.

A third time, he repeated her code name, that name that flew through his mouth like a miracle. She had to answer. He was about to shout at the phone. This silence was going to kill him. The memory of Maes, lying motionless in a pool of his blood in front of a calling cabin went before his eyes. His panic turned into pure fear, taking over his sense. He had no choice. He had to make sure she was alright. She was a mere human too, and she could fail. And he couldn't lose her. He didn't want to lose her. Never, he thought.

Roy left his office like a whirlwind. He almost ran through the hallways and barely managed not to overthrow a few interns on his way, Scieska included. The people looked surprised at how fast he requisitioned a vehicle. Nothing seemed fast enough to answer the urgency of the situation. Riza wasn't behind an opened door, threatened by her sick boyfriend. The threat was unknown, possibly invincible and able to change forms by his very will. There was no more limits to the enemies they were encountering. And him, like an imbecile, he'd thrown her in the lion's den.

"Shit," he cursed as he burned a stop and almost ran over a little girl.

He dodged her just in time and didn't stop. There was no time. He had no more time. There never was time, he had waited too long, doing nothing, being a moron. The panic gave him the impression he was taking the wrong route while he was on the right track. He had to be there on time.

_Let me be on time. __So that she won't die too._

_I can lose her too. Not my Riza!_

He still wanted to hold her in his arms and to comfort her when she'd need to. He wanted to see her staring back at him with crossed brows when he was doing something wrong. He wanted to look at her working devoutly while he was dozing off. He wanted to talk to her, to be able to call her Riza instead of Hawkeye. To have the chance of seeing her wearing civilian's clothes, the chance to go out with her, to eat with her, to smile at her, to see her getting angry at him.

"I hope that I won't be too late."

_Honesty is hardly ever heard.  
And mostly what I need from you._

To be continued…

Please review, it will encouraging in translating faster, since all the story is written and just wait on me for translating it all. ;)


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the previous review and hits on this story. Here is the third chapter. Things will get interesting, you don't have to worry.

Honesty

Chapter 3 – Trap

_I can always find someone  
To say they sympathize.  
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve_.

The had started a little later than usual. Riza couldn't explain why, but she was tired as she got up. Black Hayate's whines didn't cheer her up. But she had a mission scheduled. To think that she was supposed to have taken a day off. She was really devoted to her work. But at least, this mission would give her the occasion of talking to Roy.

She felt a little more enthusiastic at this idea and got herself ready. One hour later, Fuery and she were on the location, with Hayate, looking at an old building where Falman leaved with 66. Roy was talking to her, taking that charming and nonchalant ton, a little for their game, so that the soldiers that could be passing by his office would be fooled, but mostly because he liked it. Hearing him, there was no doubt about it. She liked the lightness his presence gave to this operation. On the other side, she felt guilty. Armed with a gun to fire on people, innocent or not, taking their lives should never seem any lighter to her.

But it had been a long time since she'd changed her way of looking at her targets. The only one she'd follow with the utmost attention and goosebumps on her arms would be Mustang's back, when she'd have to look after him or to decide if she wasn't trusting him anymore. Riza never wanted to go back on her decision. She had made up her mind when she was a young woman. A teenager. She had given him more than to any other man. And he had respectfully accepted her gift, without ever asking for more.

Well, except this one time, when their torture hadn't seem to be enough as he was trying to understand the tattoo on her back. Roy's hands had been heavy on her skin. They had lingered on her flanks and Riza had understand that he knew all there was to know about flame alchemy. After that time, they hadn't seen each other before the war. Except for that other time with Derek, who had tried to snatch from her the knowledge… Riza had always been astonished to how, every time she needed support, Roy would come around the corner.""

"You think that everything will go alright, lieutenant," Fuery asked her while she was marking a pause in her discussion with the colonel.

"We'll do our best," she retorted, forcing a smile.

But she had a bad feeling about this. And rarely had her feelings lied to her. So, when she secured Jean from Bary the chopper and one enrayed gun, she understood that someone who shouldn't have been there was coming.

"Is there a problem?" Roy asked her.

"Just a small argument, we have some trouble with a customer."

"I hope that you don't get too much rascals of his kind."

Riza wondered if he was really talking to her or worrying about the mission. Could he be jealous just as she was jealous? Jealous of the idea that she could be going out with some men while he had always allowed himself to flirt with women? Why would he be jealous? They were friends, nothing else and would certainly never be anything more. Well, not that she was hoping so, even though her reason wanted her to…

"To tell you everything, I…"

It really wasn't the moment to be thinking about this.

"Darn it, I'll call you later, I've got to take care a big client right now."

Her headphones fell down and she turned around to shoot on the large shape that had shown up behind her. Her shoots didn't seem to have any effect, so, as Roy was calling her, repeating her name and asking what was going on, with a voice that grew even more panicky with each passing seconds, she didn't answer. Things were looking bad.

She had no time to think about her superior if she wanted to get out of this alive. She shot again, emptying her charger on the weird thing. That being had a small head, with white, terrifying eyes, gigantic arms like tree trunks that were reaching towards her. He opened his enormous mouth, showing off teeth that were covered with saliva.

"No more bullets? No more bullets?"

Riza was frozen as she realized that this thing could take all her shoots without being moved, surprised by this treason from her own weapon. She didn't know what to do. What could she do without her gun in front of such a large man? What froze her down to her core, after that he threw his fists at her and raised her in front of him, holding her by the throat, were his next words:

"Can I eat you?"

She tried to fire some more, than let go of her weapon, feeling her blood rushing up to her brain as her breath was running scarce. She was choking. Was this mission going to end as quickly as it had begginned, in such a stupid way? Was she going to be killed by a pure stranger, without knowing what she'd discovered by lending a help to 66? She grabbed his big wrists, trying to fight back, in vain. The flow of her life was running before her eyes, at full speed.

She was surprised, even shocked to see only one person in her memories. One soldier that she knew for much much longer than all the other ones she'd met. He was either smiling to her, talking back, ordering her around, comforting her, showing her his own frailty as he was losing his best friend… Roy Mustang. His dark velvet and unruly hair. His face covered with dirt and tiredness from the war. His killer's look that was only reflecting her own eyes. His arms where she'd rarely had the chance to hide. His man's smell, the smell of his assurance, of his childish dreams. Was she going to lose all of that, all of him, with her own life?

Riza felt ready to faint as she felt the lack of air in her burning lungs. She would have yelled if she had had enough strength for it. But suddenly, Black Hayate came out of nowhere to strike at Glutonny and bite him. That disturbed the homunculus and he let go of the woman, which made it possible for her to regain her composure and take a few steps back.

While keeping one hand on her wounded throat, she caught the weapon thrown toward her by the adjutant. As soon as she could, she called back her brave dog, worried that he'd get killed in saving her.

Black Hayate joined them and both soldiers opened their fire on the monster. Sadly enough, just as before, their bullets didn't do anything to that thing. He seemed to enjoy their helplessness. Riza was starting to remember that time where Derek had used his strength over her to get what he wanted. She had been deeply hurt by his treason. It had been hard to get back up on her feet after it.

As they both thought, Fuery and she, that they were lost, popping out of nowhere, a gloved hand appeared between them, snapping its fingers. The flames that came out hurled towards the monster, hitting him head on and sending him flying off the building. The colonel had come to save them.

Overcoming the shock, Riza felt a terrible anger at the idea he'd dared doubt her capabilities and had come to make sure everything would go right. But just seeing him, it was clear that he'd been worried about them. About her. His face was white, he looked serious and didn't care about her reprimands.

"What are you doing here, colonel? We had decided that whatever would happen, you would stay in headquarters where you'd be safe!"

"Yes, I know, I'm an idiot and I shouldn't have come."

They agreed to leave and ordered Fuery and Black Hayate to stay on their post. As they got down the staircases, Riza understood a little better why he had panicked. Hugues' death was still pretty recent and he hadn't been able to save him, never realizing the alarm signals his friend had been sending him, as they were talking on the phone. He had found Maes, dead, in the phone booth and she remembered the only tear he'd dare to cry in front of her during the funeral.

"I'm glad I made it in time."

"I'm sorry that you worried for me, colonel."

Roy didn't care that he had been worried, since he had been right to move out. He couldn't tell what he would have felt if he had been just one moment too late, to find the corpse of his first lieutenant. Fuery's death would have devastate him too, but Riza had much more value in his eyes. Even Kain would have agreed that it was normal. Mustang had seen how shocked the young woman was, looking at her from the corner of his eyes as he kept walking down the stairs He'd wished he could comfort her, but there was no time and she would never had let him...

Nevertheless, he remembered how she'd cried in his arms once Derek had been gone. He didn't like the feeling of her crying, but that of her in his arms. Right now, though, as she was sitting next to him in the car, as they started their pursue with Havoc and Alphonse on the backseat, Riza's presence was enough to comfort him. She was strong enough for both of them. She was his mind when he became too rash and was bringing him back to the right track when he'd do mistakes. It was her that was reminding him of what needed to be done. She would always be there for him, and he'd always need her next to him. Never mind that it was simply as a lieutenant for now.

She was so much more in his heart and Roy trusted each of her opinions. He knew that with her, there was nothing to fear. And everything time that he could be the same to her, he'd do it, just as he did an instant ago.

After a crazy pursuit troughout Central's streets, they entered the third laboratory where 66's body had taken refuge. With both his lieutenants, Mustang boldly took charge of the situation. His sharpness, charisma and confidence owed him to be obeyed immediately by the army's scientists, even if he proffered lies over lies. They were onto something big. But he had no idea how big this really was.

They went on separate ways, and as soon as Lust shown before him and Jean, Roy felt that this was going to be a long day. They'd later cursed that they didn't talk less and act more quickly, when Havoc fell, struck by the monstrous nails of luxury. He had wanted to act, to save him. And then, the suffering had lurched at him too, burning through his flesh, as the homunculus let him fall, one hand tightly holding his bleeding side. And Havoc wasn't answering to his questions anymore.

It was as if his whole world was falling down. And Roy knew one thing that made it all the more awfull. As he was lying there, emptying himself of his blood, praying for Jean to still be alive, that witch was going to meet Alphonse Elric and Hawkeye. How Riza could face off Lust if he couldn't? She didn't even use alchemy!

Hawkeye and Alphonse were in front of an impressive door with a big pentacle engraved on it, which reminded the tattoo on her back to the young woman. Al, on his side, was wondering about the meaning behind this symbol. At the moment, where 66 thought that he'd trapped his body for good, Lust barged in, shocked to see how many people had infiltrated the place. She had to give up on an important sacrifice already and she was going to destroy another one of them, or so it seemed. It was really unfair that Envy and Glutonny were leaving her with all the job.

"So it was you, 66, who brought all those people here?" she hissed through her teeth.

The former butcher didn't last long in front of Lust, that send him rolling in pieces, before to turn towards Alphonse and Riza, who didn't have time to react. What saved them was the fact the homunculus decided to extend her fun by torturing them a little. There had to be some use to killing off that colonel. And by looking at his lieutenant, she could easily see what kind of relation they could have had. How sad. Lust was already exulting at the idea to reduce to shreds another laughable human live.

"It's such a shame to have to destroy another sacrifice," she whispered, talking to Alphonse. "And you, lieutenant, you seem like someone really loyal…"

"What did you say…?"

Riza had already understood. There was blood dripping from Lust fingers, staining her oversized claws. Al didn't had the time to get between the two women. This scene was going to mark him forever…

"You must want to join your superior."

Was Lust's smile the reason why Hawkeye lost her mind at very this instant? No, it was the terrible shock of what Lust was meaning behind her words. Her colonel, HER colonel, Mustang, Roy Mustang was… would never again… Roy... From all the men, Roy, from all the alchemists, the one she'd choose. Roy… Roy!

Riza lowered her eyes, her shoulders shaking. The truth was hitting her like a train thrown at full speed. But she wasn't going to fall. She would fight against this truth, she wouldn't let that bitch breaking down her last little piece of happiness. Riza never asked a lot from life. Roy was just as essential for her as the air she was breathing. What would she become without him? Without her colonel? Without the superior that was her very equal?

"It isn't true… No, it's not… It CAN'T be true!" She shouted with all the strenght she had left.

As if it wanted to cry out with her, her gun fired. And it fired, and fired, in Lust's large chest, in her vicious and beautiful face, in her legs and her belly, in all her body, no stopping, as if every shots could came her down, bring Roy back to life, as if the slow and painful death of the horrible woman could prevent the soul of her colonel from leaving this world toward a place that she knew nothing about and where she'd never be able to reach him.

Riza switched her guns, emptying both of her chargers. But despite all the shots, all which hit their target, she didn't manage to throw down that inhuman beast that had dare to kill her man. The bullets didn't work on those monsters. Lust straightened herself when the shots stopped from resonating throughout the wide room, licking the blood dripping from her forehead, smiling with all of her teeth. Nothing could stop her.

Desperate, having nothing left to lose if he really was dead, Riza burst in tears, falling to her knees in front of the nefarious creature that she couldn't kill. Her tears were soft on her burning cheeks and she felt painfully alive, while Roy was dead. And it still felt unreal, she couldn't believe it before that she'd see it with her own eyes, even if that would utterly destroy her.

Lust's shadow fell over her, as her claws-nails were raising high in the sky, to cut down lieutenant Hawkeye. The mortal weapons encountered an unexpected resistance when a larger shadow fell on both women. Alphonse had gotten between Riza and her own death.

"No, Al, you don't have to do this! Run away! At least, you can still…!"

"It's out of question, lieutenant," the boy's voice responded in the armor. "Too many people are already dead because of me, and I couldn't defend any of them. There's no way I can let you die or that I'll let anyone else dying in front of my eyes."

The strenght in this child's voice got Riza to look up. As she was staring to her helpless hands, she remembered all she managed to accomplish in her life. She had a dog waiting back home, craving food and affection. She had loyal friends and dear friends that would be saddened if she were to die. Of course, they'd live through it. But Havoc, Fuery, Falman and Breda would already be inconsolable from Roy's death. Could she really give up, cowardly like this? What would he think of this? Wouldn't he have wanted her to live, at least her, so that she'd see his dream carried out in his stead, at least, so that someone would be let to try and bring back peace to this country? Roy wouldn't have wanted her to die so stupidly…

"Hmmph," Lust sighed mockingly as she attacked the suit of armor, which retorted in such a way that she was surprised.

After clapping his steel hands together, Alphonse transmuted a lance from the ground, as Edward often did, without any transmutation's circle. Lust raised one eyebrow, not cockily for once, realizing that she was in front of a full-fledged alchemist and not a helpless child. He could mean danger to her and his determination made his eyes shine in such a way that she remembered a foreign emotion. Fear. It was still nothing more than a shiver, too far down her heart to really worry her.

"So you remembered the door and can use alchemy without a circle, huh?"

Suddenly, Al walked back and transmute a stone wall in front of him and Hawkeye. The soldier felt the stench of burned flesh in the air and the flames that let her realized what this all meant. Her heart was beating fast. Her mind was stuck on one thing. It was only natural, since there was no fire without Roy Mustang in her world, but she had to make sure. She freed herself from Alphonse's grip, not even taking the time to thank him, to throw herself on the other side of the wall and call out:

"Colonel!"

She'd want to say his name, but it was the first word that came to her as she thought of him, for such a long time it was now a habit. Riza didn,t hear the words Roy exchanged with his enemy, submerged by her relief as she saw him, standing tall, almost straight, face to face to the monstrous homunculus that had framed his death. Al reacted fast enough to catch the young woman and brought her back behind his rock wall, before that the flames came back.

Roy, on his side, was moved to think that his lieutenant had been crying over him. It'd been years since he last saw her in that state. And it was his fault. He had no doubts. But his thoughts were running fast, even if there was no time to ponder and think. In front of Lust, he had to give back every punch. He was holding Havoc's lighter in his hand, his wound with the other one, not even knowing where he was finding the strength to talk without sounding weak. The smell of blood and sweat was filling his nostrils. He felt dirty and thought that he was about to be sick. His stomach was upside down. But it was mostly from the disgust that inhuman creature inspired him. How dare she prevent him from rescuing his men?!

It was someone like her that had killed Hugues. She had toyed around with Jean to mortally wound him. She'd hurt him too, but he didn't care. Another homunculus had hurt Riza. And for all those reasons and even more reasons he couldn't remember right now, he hated them. And his determination had no equal but his hate as he snapped his fingers again and again. His adversary was regenerating over and over, as if nothing could stop her. Was there really no limits to the…?

Lust stopped, on her knees in front of him, as he'd predicted she'd ended. Her index's nail had stopped just an inch from Roy's face, as if she wanted to pierce one of his eyes. But he was holding his lighter firmly, a few centimeters way from her hair. The wind from all the deflagrations caused by his flames were playing with his hair, raising his opened shirt, showing up off his fresh scar and the burns he'd inflicted on himself. His glare was dark, inflexible, and unmovable. He was more than a man at this point, surrounded by strength, holding up from his sole will.

He'd break down if Lust had lasted just a little longer. He needed all of his energy not to shake, not to whine from the pain. His back, his legs, his neck, all his muscles were begging for mercy. But she wouldn,t have the chance to see him falling down. He wouldn't be the weak man she accused him of being. He'd be the cold killer, for her, who'd burn her enough times for her to die.

Lust bent down, her nails vanishing, her face disappearing, her skin vaporizing over her muscles, the muscles erasing themselves, leaving nothing but nerves, then bones, then dust.

"It might not be so bad to be killed by you. That look on your face. I can't wait to see the day where it will have… entirely vanished…"

For the time being, the only thing vanishing was her. But as soon as she wasn't a threat anymore, Roy's eyes shut closed and his legs gave out beneath him. He was a bundle of pain.

"Colonel", Riza cried out again, coming back into his world, now that Alphonse was sure there were no more danger to be cut in pieces or burned to a crisp.

The young woman ran until she was next to his superior, trying to catch him as he fell and Mustang was happy that once more, she was there to cover his back and help him as he was reaching his limit. He didn't try to fight back his pain. He almost fell in her arms, his breathing still too quick, his face relaxing despite the agony he felt in his body. She helped him lying down, still crying, lost between her sadness and relief of seeing him, still alive, but in such a sorry state. Al got closer to them, not too sure if this was the right move to do, since the soldiers seemed they needed some time alone.

"Thanks, Alphonse", for looking after my lieutenant, Roy said, through his harsh breathes.

The suit of armor didn't answer, touched as he saw the brief look exchanged by the colonel and his first lieutenant. Riza was holding the flame alchemist's hand in hers, holding tightly, unable to stop her tears from flowing as Roy looked at the tears falling without being able to comfort her. He closed his eyes, mostly not to see her cry, but also to give himself the impression that he was resting for a few seconds. Or maybe to hide the emotion he felt as she hold his hand. They had been so scared, each on their own. He wanted to tell her. That it comforted him that she was there.

But he didn't need to do it for Bradley to understand what they felt for each other. From where he was standing, Wrath had seen all he needed to know the colonel's greatest weakness. He knew how to hit him where it would hurt. And he wouldn't have any remorse in doing so. His plans were already running along in his nefarious mind. He asked that an ambulance be called. If all Mustang's men survived, it would be even better, he would be under even more pressure. He'd crushed him slowly. He'd make it a personal honor. His smile grew in the dark and his sole human eye shone with a cruel brightness.

Roy had no idea what was going on. He was slowly losing consciousness, while his lieutenant were doing al she could not to grip on to him. She would get killed instead of living in a world where he didn't exist. That thought hurt. It was eating all of his left strength. A world without Riza made no sense in his eyes.

_But I don't want some pretty face  
To tell me pretty lies.  
All I want is someone to believe._

To be continued…

To help me gather the courage and time to translate next chapter, please review! I hope most of my sentences are easy to understand. If there's anything sounding wrong in there, help me improve myself. This work is quite demanding… ;)


	4. Chapter 4

So here is the fourth chapter. The next one will get warmer, in emotions and actions. We're still waiting for the best part of their manga interaction. I'm not happy with all this translation, but I'm glad for most of it. It certainly respect the original idea of my fiction, though it does not always sound right. There's one or two sentences from Hawkeye that sounds weird. I'm sorry for it. If you can help me rephrase part of this, I'd be grateful. Anyway, have a nice time reading!

Honesty

Chapter 4 – Morons

_Honesty is such a lonely word.  
Everyone is so untrue._

Riza didn't sleep for the next 48 hours. She was on autopilot for some of it, but she looked after her superior for as long as possible. She also made sure to keep both Roy and Jean close to her, so that no one come around and take them away. She couldn't lose any of them. It had hurt so much when she'd thought she'd never see her colonel again. And Havoc. That could have been her undoing. Fuery had promised to look after Black Hayate and Roy gave her the talk of her live.

"You're an imbecile! To believe the enemy like this. Don't ever give up on your own life for such a little thing, lieutenant!"

Riza took in every words of this reprimand, which had to be the first he ever gave to her. And she saw utter anger in his eyes, so much anger that she looked down, feeling real remorse to have deceive him. She had failed him.

She didn't know that Roy felt already bad for getting so mad at her. He only hoped that this would make it clear for her, so that she'd be careful about herself, even if he was in danger. Alphonse wouldn't always be there to protect her. Himself, the flame alchemist, hadn't been able to defend her. There was a knot in his throat as he realized that he didn't manage really often to defend her. And still, he had taken her side. Against Derek, against Kimblee during Ishball. He felt stupid. And his wound wouldn't let him rest, like oil thrown on his burning shame. He was reduced to such a state of weakness that he was entirely dependant on her.

When he had gone through all his anger, he looked down, unable to seem her undermined by the words he'd thrown at her. He didn't want her to be desperate. He didn't want her to feel guilty. He didn't want to lose her in fact, and that was what pushed him forward. So he added, on a softer ton:

"Despite all, I believe I can still trust you. And I still need your help."

His voice had sounded so soft at first that Jean had felt embarrassed a moment, but his superior's ton grew colder, since he was talking to both his lieutenants.

"Whatever you plan, it'll be without me," Havoc sighed, surprising both of his comrades. I can't feel my legs anymore. The doctors think that I might be paralyzed for the rest of my life."

Roy disagreed. He had already complained about Havoc's presence in his room, but that was only to throw himself at something else than Riza. He had the feeling he was angry at the whole wide world. But he hadn't lost as much as Jean and had no reason to be mad.

The colonel spent a week at the hospital. His first lieutenant was by his side, 24 hour a day, except when Fuery or Falman came to give her a chance to have some rest. Breda would have given them his sympathies, but he was already short on vacancy's permission after travelling with Edward Elric into the desert. He couldn't leave the office, without getting in serious trouble with the higher-ups.

Roy's body would remind him of his presence at any hour of the day or night and his wounds drove him crazy, but he couldn't get at anyone else than himself for it, since Jean was pretty down. There were still some things that could comfort him in the pain he was going through.

The way Riza kept on looking over him was facilitating his day to day life. The humiliation of not being able to do anything without the help of a nurse was the same for both patients of the room. For example, once every two day, each of them had the chance to be washed by a nurse. Havoc being paralyzed, his "bath" was complete, which might be quite traumatizing for a man his age, and it took place behind a green screen wrapped around his bed.

One of those day, the screen was pulled on the smoker's side. Roy was sleeping and Riza was sitting by his sides, with small circles under her eyes. She was switching place with Fuery to get a chance to sleep and around HQ, the disappearance of almost every of Mustang's men caused a lot of talk.

The young woman looked at the sleeping face of her superior, holding back a smile. She was afraid that someone could realize what she secretly felt for him. If someone knew what linked them, they would be in danger. But she couldn't prevent herself from gazing, staring at him in his slumber and to think how lucky she was to see him still alive. He was so dashing, enchanting, with his round face void of worries. He looked peaceful. It was the first time in many days.

Roy was sleeping that soundly and felt the eyes that were lingering on him. He opened one eye, barely, as he softly shifted his position, as if he was still deep in his sleep. His right hand was on the edge of his pillow. Free and given. Riza immediately spotted his dark and shining eye. She hesitated a moment, cause without anyone to see her doing so, she might have stroke his face and his hair. He was her colonel. HER Mustang. It seemed that he only belonged to her during those precious seconds where they could be alone despite Jean and the nurse being there.

The soldier entirely opened his dark eyes and caught her hand in his. She had gotten closer to him, despite all of her training and reasoning that told her it couldn't happen. She tried to get her hand back, but he held her tighter. She answered the pressure, to see him smile as he closed his eyes. He was happy that she was here. Happy not to be alone. None of them blushed, first, because there had already done much much more than just holding hands, but mostly because blushing would be a dead giveaway. In the army, they had to control their emotions like the best comedians.

He moved his lips without saying a word, as if she could guess what he'd wished to tell her. She smiled in turn, looking up to make sure the green screen hadn't move. From her post, a few small things were missing. But she still had Roy, who was the greatest thing in her life.

They both remembered when they were kids, the future colonel had been dropped in front of his master's house by his father. A tall, brown man, all dressed in black, which pushed his boy forward. Riza was still almost a baby, barely higher than three feet. Both kids were intimidated by the unknown adult and hadn't had time to get to know each other.

Afterwards, the small Roy had religiously learn all that he could, but at seven years old, alchemy's theories could become a little boring. He hd fled his teacher to see his daughter. The kids had played together as much as they could. They were the only game partner they'd ever had. At this time, already, they'd hold hands. But as they grew up, the soldier became more and more serious and had left his master's daughter to fully devote himself to his alchemy's study. Riza didn,t resent him for it. She wasn't sure what to think of him. It was like having a cousin that'd show up every now and then at the house. He came every now and then, once every two weeks and once a month. She never knew when he'd be there and when he wouldn't. She pretended that she didn't care.

As a teenage girl, she often eluded their polite salutations and almost forgot that he existed. Her father reminded her of him as he described his progresses. Then, Derek had shown up and taken over all her free time, or well, most of it. Master Hawkeye's death had drawn them closer, there was no way around it. She had revealed all the secrets she carried without owning them. He had seen her half naked so many times. And after the war…

As he was reopening his eyes, Roy saw her mouthing words too. He could guess their meaning, the same he'd want to voice out loud: _I love you_.

Fuery entered the room at this very moment and they let go of each other. The small interlude was over, but their memories were still there. The colonel was surprised to feel this nostalgic, but his mind seemed to guess what was coming. Unconsciously, he knew that he would be separated from his lieutenant. That saddened him, while he had no idea why this separation would take place…

"Colonel, you're free to leave the hospital!"

That was the first step towards a new life, towards the collapsing of his colonel existence, but he ignored it at that time, that if his doctor let him walk outside freely, he could turn back into King Bradley's prey and that this man had his trap all ready for him.

An hour later, after exchanging a frail smile with Riza, that Roy didn't want Jean to see since he would be staying in this hospital room for a long time, the man wrapped a dark coat around his shoulders to keep himself warm. He had to be careful, since his wound hadn't fully healed. Those few days spent in bed hadn't help to keep him in full shape.

He left Havoc with a goal, telling him he'd wait for him at the top, because more than anything else in the world, Mustang didn't want to abandon any of his men. He had no idea what was in store for him. Otherwise, he'd think everything was already done for.

"Hawkeye, what are the news from outside?"

Despite all the efforts he'd deployed, Roy had been kept in the dark over all his colleagues' advances. Riza hesitated a little to tell him about all the news over the army, especially the one that the Fullmetal was trying to get remarked in a pretty risky way.

Furrowing his brows, the colonel decided to go see what the young man was preparing. When they met the dwarf and the suit or armor, it was to discover that Edward had decided to serve as bait for Scar and the homunculi. Being what he was, and having fought against Lust, Roy wanted to know as much as the young man and Edward had no idea that Mustang had more right than anyone else to share those discoveries. After all, the flame alchemist was the only human who had managed to kill a homunculus!

"This is district 13, Scar is attacking us, its… Argh!"

Roy stopped pinching his nose, appreciating the diversion he could make, feeling like a little kid as he was picturing the face the officers would make as they heard all those alarms coming in at the same time. Scar would seem to be all over Amestris and even the fuhrer wouldn't know where to look.

"Scar is in district 17, hurry, we need someone to… Gorjjjjjaaa!"

Riza was watching him with furrowing brows, a little ashamed to see him acting so childishly and wondering if those sounds he was making and turning even more and more creating into making, could really sound like yells of pain. Fortunately, he didn,t make them at every of his alert's call, always changing his voice in a new way, making his sound younger, more naïve, or graver, hoarser or even whining. She knew he was something of a comedian, but not that much! All the efforts he was making in helping the Elric with their plan proved just how much he wanted it to work.

She couldn't prevent herself from smiling, wondering how in the past, that man who could use all kind of tons from fear to utter panic just to make a diversion could have turn into his greatest protector. After her father's death, Hawkeye had been at her worse, especially after Derek's treason. She didn,t understand why those memories were all coming back now, of all the time, but she could see herself in Roy's arms, crying and weeping.

He was very dear to her, his colonel. Even right now, as he was sitting between a dozen of radios, mixing the wires, yelling in mic, whispering warning, cutting the communication before to be found out. A big kid, really, as most of men. He was still laughing when she put one hand on his shoulder to tell him to stop. He had to be wise after all. If he overdid it, Central's soldiers would see right through their play and he could even be discovered if he left too many clues.

"I think that it's enough."

"You're quite right," he admitted.

They stay in wait, listening to the soldiers reporting on the other lines, to know how things were going. Time seemed to pass by slower. Roy was trying to retrieve his usual train of thoughts and to focus on the situation at hand, but it proved impossible. All this panic, the death that seemed to be lurking around the corner despite the smiles he was putting on. It reminded him of the war. After Ishval, his life had never been the same. As it had changed for Riza also. He recalled perfectly each second of the horror. Each shout and the stench of burned flesh was back in his nose, even if he hadn't used his gloves and flames for weeks.

Hawkeye was seated next to him, listening to the soldiers in the radios. He'd wanted to talk to her and threw a quick glance at her. Their eyes met and froze in the air. As they kept listening, they both remembering the first time they'd found each other, once the war had begun. Between the living and the deads.

Her beloved brown eyes had changed a lot to turn into the look of a killer, just as his eyes changed. She killed every day, protecting their soldiers, without running any risk except her own guilt. Their superiors, from time to time, could go crazy and lose patience and would even raise their hands against rebarbative subordinates. Women in the army had to make their own place, under the heavy weight of prejudice. They were a few between all the men. They were running peculiar risks with all the lonely guys pushed to their limits. Riza knew how to fend for herself. And after that Kimblee had badmouthed her, praising her skills and mocking her guilt, Roy had placed himself as her unconditional protector. No one wanted to face off the burning young man. Amestris' men were too tired to fight along themselves. But for Hawkeye, Mustang would have fought. He was aiming to shelter her from as much violence as he could.

But in the end, it was Hawkeye that hurt him on their few talks during war. She had friends among the soldiers, but the fact that she was killing every day, as simply as she'd take her breakfast was bringing her down. Everyone's reaction was different, but Roy and Riza were the same. They shared the same viewpoints and were saddened to see the other destroying himself slowly. Each time they met, they realized how hard it was on both of them, so they avoided each other. He felt guilty that this war wasn't already over. She felt guilty that he was out here fighting as a human weapon because she'd made him the flame alchemist…

That's why by the end of the war, while Roy was seriously thinking about suicide if he didn't manage to become Fuhrer, he quickly accepted her request. She recalled her own crisis over alchemy.

"Why Mustang? Why are people using alchemy to harm others when it was supposed to serve in bringing happiness to people?!" She had asked.

He stared at her with saddened eyes at this time. He'd felt guilty to have taken so much from her, before to turn into a monster, just as low as Kimblee, who used the powers she'd gave him to kill as many people as he was asked too. Riza knew they had no choice, but her childish naivety was leaving for good as she was realizing how wrong she had been in trusting him. No words could erase the pain she was feeling now. That's why she wanted to erase all that was still linking them herself. All that was defining her father's years of work.

He found her kneeled in front of a grave, which looked terribly simple. She had just made it out of her bare hands.

"Aren't you coming? If you stay here, you'll be left behind…", he observed.

She didn't answer and he insisted.

"Was it a comrade?"

"It was an isvalan kid. He was hit by stray bullets and left alone here."

As he saw her looking darker, he almost begged her to join him. He didn't like seeing her like this, as she was turning her back on him and holding back her tears since so long. He was reminded of her father's funerals.

"Come with me, this war is over now."

Roy felt a knot bulding in his throat and Riza shivered as she guessed the tenderness behind his words. What would she give to believe him and turn the page over this tragedy? She would never be able to. Never.

"This war won't ever be over in me. I've taken so many lives, when I had joined all on my own, hoping I could bring happiness to the people I'd protect. But all I did was caused destruction among innocent. Much more because I believe that you would…"

She paused, scared to wound him any further, before to go on:

"It'll never be over. Even if I'd wished that it didn't end like that, I can't ignore the facts. Crying, pretending it never happened, trying to amend, asking for forgiveness, I don't want to be an egoist killer that tried to justify her acts. My arrogance isn't so great, but mister Mustang, there is one thing that I have to ask you. It'd be to…"

Her voice died down as her fists clenched above her tights. She was trembling and Roy believed he wouldn't live past this day. He wanted to hold her in his arms and to have forgetting it, all the evil, but he didn't dare to touch her with his hands that had caused so much of this said evil. Never again would he dare to reach out for her. But it was precisely what she asked him, in a certain way.

"Please, burn my back, Mustang."

"What are you… I'd never could…!"

"AT LEAST!" she cut him off, yelling and raising her head to show him how serious she was. At least, if I can't amend for the sins I've committed, help me in making sure I won't ever give birth to another flame alchemist. So the secret on my back won't ever serve to anyone else.

She turned around to look him in the eye and saw the shame and uneasiness that her request inspired him. He was confused, but her determined look was enough to convince him.

"I don't want any more ties to my father or alchemy, so that I can live as Riza Hawkeye, as an individual and not an object of knowledge.

He looked down, still hesitating. How could he raised one hand on her, using the very methods he used on the Ishval, now that he was having living nightmares of all those kills he'd done? Hurting, wounding, marking Riza when he felt so attached to her, almost as if she was his sis… No, it was stronger than that. She still had no idea, but he eyed her differently since a long time already. Otherwise, would he have been looking for her on this battlefield, when he could finally leave it all behind?

At that point, he could have told her, but he saw what she wanted and understood perfectly what she was asking for. In her shoes, he'd be the first to act like this. But Roy was looking at her through the culprit's eyes. He would be the one to burn her. He'd hurt her, when she had already been through so much…

"Please," she said again.

He accepted.

"After killing so many people, I can control my flames accurately. I may burn you without endangering your health. It's kinda ironic. I've become too used to burning people in this battle.

They exchanged a brief look. She stayed there, kneeling on the floor and Roy looked down at his glove.

"I'll burn your back, Riza. But not here. I might have expertise, but that doesn't remove all risk. Get up and come with me. I'll free you from this burden you've been carrying for to long.

He put his glove back in his pocket, unable to accept what it symbolized. Wounding Riza was a sacrilege. He cared about her. At this point of his life, he had no idea how much he loved her. But at the very least, he still had a right to show it a little. Now, he had to be careful to the smallest gesture. _When I need you more than ever_, he thought as he looked at his lieutenant.

Hawkeye jumped as she heard the Elric brothers' name. Their fight against Scar had dragged out in the open a terrifying creature in specific place of the city. Coming back to the here and now, they were frozen in place for a moment, before that the woman got up, to kick off the next part of the plan.

"You're going in to give them some support." He reminded her.

"Yes sir."

"There's a vacant house in the low quarters that you can use. If anything happens, we'll meet there."

"Yes sir."

"Don't get followed."

"Yes sir."

She removed her soldier's coat, borrowing Fuery's change of glasses to disguise herself. She grabbed a dark coat, readying the guns at her belt, under the careful look of her superior. So many memories came to him as he saw her doing this. How she'd undressed herserlf in front of him, five times. Those four sessions where he'd uncovered the secret of the flame alchemy. And when he'd answered to her demand to burn her back.

"If there's any progress, you contact me, so don't let me see you on the battlefield! You're staying here, where it's safe… Please."

"Yeah, sure."

After all those recommendations, it was her turn. She reminded him how he'd popped in on their last mission and how close she'd been to lose him. No way was she reliving that.

"Don't think to even try and join me out there!" She warned him.

He'd answer immediately a moment ago, but this time, Roy nodded like a boy found guilty by his mother. She knew him. If he was too worried of her, he tried to do something heroic that he couldn't do in his state.

"Alright, lieutenant, I'll be quiet."

_Honesty is hardly ever heard. _

_And mostly what I need from you._

To be continued…

Please review to give me courage to keep on translating! ;)


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